i want to create
recently, i have been dealing with art block for the first time. i was getting really frustrated with how my first attempt at character modelling wasn't to a quality i was expecting or wanting. i took that time between working on projects to really hone in on why i want to create, what i want to create.
and when i think of that now, i think about the struggles i have gone through throughout my life. being on the edge of homelessness, all of the bad things that happened to me. and i think of how if i had gotten into art back then, i would've created something completely different from i would now. i was so scared and so alone back then, and that would've shown through in my art, i feel.
i think about how involved i am in my creation process. one thing i really need to change is that it's okay to take breaks. it's okay to miss a made up deadline. i'm still learning, i'm still growing.
i think about how i see the world, how despite everything bad going on, i still hold hope and love in my heart. i think about how every person i pass by on the street has their own stories to tell, and how i have my own story to tell. i want to tell my stories, fictional or otherwise.
i want to create, i want to make something, i want to resonate with others, i want to draw, i want to model, i want to make people see the world a little differently, i want to understand how others feel. i want to leave an impact on someone's heart, let them know they are seen.
i will make something, i will create the vivid dreams and thoughts i have and share it with the world. i don't care if the algorithm hides it or if it looks "bad". what matters is that i made it.
i want to change, one more time.